'Write in a journal, you'll need it..'

So what am I doing now? Exactly that. 

I'm Jess. 23. One year old son. In a relationship with a wonderful man. Breast cancer survivor at the age of 16, sick again with something completely different.
I started having pain after I had nugget (my son). He's almost 13 months old now, and I'm still having issues. I'm on a pain regimen, I'm on medication all the time. Just recently, I've started losing my balance, and I have started throwing up on a regular basis. It's really beginning to affect my ability to have any kind of belief in myself.

I'm hurting in my right side today.. more than I have the entire time I've been dealing with this.. I'm pushing through with my usual fake smile.. trying to think away from the whole thing, but I just can't right now.

I've been having a feeling this is going to be a bad day all day today, and I'm not sure why, but  I hope this has nothing to do with how I'm feeling.. I can't afford to be in the hospital again. I want to be able to spend time with my kid and my boyfriend tonight.. But the throbbing in my right side reminds me that I have NO control over my life anymore. Anyone with chronic pain knows that.. 

Chronic means forever.. but I will find my strength again, and I will have a good outlook on this..

- Jess